Choices Y7 Resource Hub

Session 3:

What influences us?

Session overview

The third session introduces the idea that, in fact, the decisions we make can be influenced by others, and furthermore can lead to materially different choices because of how others bring their influence to bear. This raises a question around intent; and whether we should sometimes question in whose best interest such influence is being applied - theirs or ours.

In Episode 2 of Ella’s Story, Ella’s luck seems be changing when she is offered a chance to meet a big time exec from a new fashion label looking for a fresh, new personality to be the online face of their brand. Despite the reservations of her friend Samira, which Ella passes off as jealousy, she meets up with Leah, another online influencer for the new brand and they hit it off immediately.

Even if a student has quite a few negative relationships in their life, forming just one new positive relationship can be powerful and potentially transformative. Additionally, a multitude of resilience research indicates how important just one relationship with a significant adult can be in a young person’s life, highlighting the vital role that teachers, lunchtime supervisors, cleaners, cooks, school admin workers etc. can play in building resilient systems for young people.

During Session Three, students examine what drives us to seek out the acceptance of others and therefore how they can cultivate strong, positive friendships and relationships as well as avoid negative influences. By encouraging them to talk about what they like doing, they are able to find others in the class that share similar interests while simultaneously building a model for what good friendships look like. Ultimately the session aims to help them develop their own trusted and positive networks.

KEY TAKEAWAY:

Rather than the number of friendships, the session advocates for quality over quantity when it comes to relationships, a fact that can sometimes be lost in a social media age that often demands ‘friends’ and ‘likes’ are measured by volume. According to research, it is the quality of friendships that enhances children’s resilience. If they really are struggling to get good peer relationships into their lives, friendships with pupils from different age groups, or even with adults should be encouraged. For some pupils, this really will be the best strategy so think creatively. We can be a bit stuck in our ways thinking that pupils should always just have friends their own age

EVIDENCE:

Having high quality, secure and dependable friendships improves children’s academic and social success. Students with secure friendships are more active and willing participants in their classes, are more successful at mastering tasks and cooperating in problem-solving. Even more importantly, the advantages offered by having friends accumulate over time, continuing to increase their academic success. As students progress through school, their wellness, indicated by classroom engagement and high-quality friendships as much as quantitative measures, becomes more pronounced and stable with increasing age and experience.

Modern service and funding constraints focus on short-term relationships when supporting young people, in a repeating cycle of assessment and abandonment. Poor child outcomes have been linked with a high turnover of social work staff (Flower et al., 2005). Often (and sadly not always) the family and school are an important source of longer-term relationships. Adolescents who are involved in so-called ‘risky’ behaviours (such as early and unprotected sex, alcohol and drug abuse, school dropout, violence and suicide) have been shown to benefit from a connected relationship with a caring, competent and responsible adult (Aronowitz, 2005). Adults such as these had high expectations and had faith in the competence and ability of a young person to achieve their goals.

A. Key takeaways

Help young people to understand their place in the world
Understand the concept and construct of ‘identity’
Understand that even ‘good people’ can make ‘bad choices’
Understand that our choices can be influenced by others, and recognise when this is happening to us

B. Resources required

All resources can be found at the foot of this page

❏ Teacher notes for Session Three

❏ Checklist for Session Three

❏ Slide pack for Session Three

❏ Worksheet(s)

❏ Social proof explainer

C. Terminology introduced

Example definitions of key terminology are included but, wherever possible, pupils should be encouraged to develop their own agreed descriptions of the words used.

Heuristic - mental shortcuts for solving problems in a quick way that delivers a result that is sufficient enough to be useful given time constraints.
Social proof - Social Proof is a psychological phenomenon where people assume the actions of others in an attempt to reflect correct behavior for a given situation. In essence, it's the notion that, since others are doing it, I should be doing it, too.
Herd mentality - the inclination that some humans have to be part of a large group, often neglecting their individual feelings in the process, and adopting the behaviours and actions of the people around them.

Please note any other new terminology used and share it with Lime with as part of this pilot.

Starter activity: Social proof

Our earliest behaviours form from imitating others. We follow a script handed down from friends, family, the communities to which we belong and broader society. Each cultural group comes with its own set of values that slowly become imprinted into our identities. These social norms are the invisible rules that guide our behaviour, and we follow them without thinking, without questioning and often without remembering.

Generally, there are three groups we look to as sources of social norms:

1. The close (i.e. family, friends)

2. The many (peer groups, including virtual groups)

3. The powerful (influencers, e.g. social media)

Young people, in particular, tend to gravitate towards a combination of 'the many' (friends and peers) and 'the powerful' (influencers) and nowhere is this more prevalent than in their online interactions. Here they will be highly influenced by a combination of people they follow or admire (so-called 'social influencers') and the many other people that either share their views or follow the same influencers.

FACILITATOR TIP:

Before you begin, recap and review ground rules as a class.

Discuss any rules created which worked well, together with any that didn't work - do they need to change?

Make amendments if needed. Ensure pupils are clear why ground rules are used and why they are so important.

EXPLAIN:

Last time we looked at identity, how this forms, and the things that influence it. In particular, we considered how the people we choose to spend time with might influence us and why. Today we will be focusing on the subject of 'influence' in greater depth. Here is a short explainer video.

SHOW:

Social proof explainer (note: also embedded on Slide 5 (PowerPoint version))

Activity one: Ella's story - Episode two

Students should read through the second episode of the interactive story, either individually or as a whole class guided reading. Students should use the accompanying Worksheet 3: Influence map? to capture observations they make as they read.

This activity builds on the idea that the people around us influence us, often unconsciously. It's therefore essential to be more aware of how we are being influenced to ensure that we are making decisions that are consistent with the person we choose to be.

EXPLAIN:

As you read through Episode 2, note who appears to be influential in Ella’s life and why.

When you have completed the reading, prioritise your list in the order of most to least influential by plotting them on Worksheet 3a: Influence map?

The more influential you believe a character to be, the closer to the centre they should be placed.

ASK:

Who influences Ella most?

SHOW:

Worksheet 3 (1st page only)

Together, students should plot where they believe the characters sit in terms of their influence upon Ella, discussing any differences of opinion.

Activity two (part one): Influence or trust

In this first part of the activity we once again return to Ella’s story…

EXPLAIN:

In the first activity we looked at who was influencing Ella. We will now look at who she should trust.

DISCUSS:

Facilitate a discussion about who Ella should trust using the following scenes from the story.

SHOW:

“ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE SOMEONE, YOU KNOW, HAVE SOMEONE NOTICE ME FOR A CHANGE”

EXPLAIN:

The episode begins with Ella remembering past events.

Encourage students to talk about why Ella might feel like this and the alternative actions she could have taken instead of soliciting ‘likes’ from people she may not even know.

ASK:

Why does Ella feel the need to be noticed by others?
What's influencing her?

Encourage students to draw the link between Ella's state of mind (wanting to be noticed) and why that might be potentially dangerous for her.

SHOW:

“AND THEN YOU CAME ALONG”

EXPLAIN:

This comment shows how the way we feel at a particular moment can have a huge impact on the decisions we make. In this case, Ella wants to be noticed and so when someone she never met gets in touch while she's in this state of mind, she finds the offer exciting.

Build on the previous point by discussing the introduction of Logan, again, someone she doesn’t know other than online.

ASK:

Why does Ella respond to the offer from Logan?

SHOW:

Ella's Mum

EXPLAIN:

While Ella is chatting with Logan, who appears to be offering all she has ever wanted, her Mum knocks on the door. During their conversation, she casually dismisses what Ella is saying.

Again, the point here is that this could suggest to Ella that she is not being treated seriously, or cared about, driving a sense of vulnerability and heightening her need for recognition from others.

ASK:

What’s happening in this scene?

Focus on the actions of Ella’s Mum — is she a bad person or behaving in a way that’s simply thoughtless or ‘not present’ in Ella’s life at that moment?

How might this make us feel?

Being treated that way, even thoughtlessly, and particularly by those closest to us is unpleasant and drives a reaction. The point here is that some reactions can make you vulnerable. Therefore, should you react to ‘thoughtless’ behaviour in a way that potentially puts you at risk?

SHOW:

“IF I'D JUST TOLD MUM...”

EXPLAIN:

Ella's instinct here is that she should have sought some help. If she had thought more about the offer from Logan, which came out of nowhere, she may not have ended up at the point she is now, apparently agonising over a decision to walk through the door.

Bring out that talking big decisions over with people you trust can help make better sense of them and provide alternative perspectives that we may not have considered.

ASK:

Why didn’t Ella seek advice from her Mum? What made her not try and speak to a person close to her?

SHOW:

“AND MAYBE IT WAS A BIT STRANGE...”

EXPLAIN:

Again, Ella instinctively knows that something isn't entirely right. This once again shows the importance of seeking the help and advice of people we can trust.

ASK:

What feelings may have led Ella to make the choice to go along with things to this point?

It's important here to really bring home the point that it is Ella's state of mind, her need to find a sense of belonging, that has influenced her decision-making up to this point. It's completely natural for young people to feel the need to belong, but being conscious of this will help them to understand the impact it can have on their own decision-making.

OPTIONAL EXTENDED DISCUSSION:

The next points provide some additional insight into Ella’s situation that students will pick up in later sessions. These offer helpful further discussion if time allows.

Why was Ella so accepting of Logan, and not suspicious of Leah? What could she have done instead?

Bring out that Ella’s state of mind at that precise moment perhaps led her to ignore any warning signs. She desperately wanted something to be true and so didn’t even consider the consequences of it not being so.

Examples of this:

"They were excited about working with me"

"Surely that’s why Samira wanted to spoil things?"

Why was that? What makes her want to believe that? What drives her to want to believe that? What caused that need?

When we are being persuaded or groomed, people who care about us are wary, but because of our needs, we see their good advice as trying to spoil the great things being suggested that we will be able to do or get. Samira tries to advise Ella to be careful, but Ella sees this as part of everyone putting her down:

“No one wants me to do well,” “You're as bad as my parents.”

She is beginning to feel isolated from the very people to whom she would usually be closest. Ella goes on to meet Leah, whose first contact references her sunglasses. This could be described as Leah manipulating or grooming Ella — apparent bonding, approbation. She then begins to subtly destabilise Ella:

“Mine was the same but I got out and so will you”

“I’m fine now because of Logan"

Leah's language communicates an invitation to become a part of something; and that she cares for Ella and offers a place where she will belong.

Why would Ella put things she has been told by strangers above those of her inner circle? How can she/you stop that in your future?

Bring out the fact that Leah also introduces herself by reinforcing the conversation with Logan and therefore offering just what Ella wants.

“Leah was so cool, she quickly became someone I could really talk to, Like a big sister, Mum and best friend all rolled into one, I didn’t need anyone else.”

Could that be true? What could Ella have done to test that? Why did she want that to be true? What part of her needs did that answer and what drove her to need that?

"For the first time in my life someone really got me, but not only that, she was always looking out for me, on my side”

Can someone so new to your life really understand you so well? Shouldn't we always ask someone in our inner circle before making decisions that affect our lives?

Activity two (part two): Circles of trust

Throughout our lives we meet many people. Many of these are fleeting encounters that do not even give us time to fix their faces in our memory. With others, we will keep only a diffuse memory, and with some of them we will establish meaningful relationships and allow them to be part of our life. Thus, meeting after meeting, we create our circles of trust.

EXPLAIN:

In this second part, we will reflect upon Ella’s dilemma, thinking about her relationships and the trust she (mis)places in others.

SHOW:

Circle of trust visual

EXPLAIN:

The circles of trust are a graphic way of representing the relationships we establish, placing the people we know in a series of concentric circles that differ from each other by the degree of trust, intimacy, attention and care we put into each of them. The circles of trust express, therefore, the type of relationship we establish with people and how close or far from us we perceive them.

We are in the centre of that circle. From that “self” we are going to create different concentric circles in which we will place the people we know.

FACILITATOR TIP: The circle of trust model

Intimate circle. This circle includes only the people we are most intimate with, i.e. those in whom we trust with our eyes closed, usually our partner, children, parents and/or siblings. The people we are likely to turn to when we have a big problem and to whom we entrust our biggest secrets, worries and concerns. It is these people who take care of us when we get sick, who are by our side in the most difficult moments and who are always watching over us.
Circle of medium trust. This circle includes those people with whom we have a close relationship. People we would ask a favour, those with whom we spend time, have fun and share our vision of the world. We can talk to them about many topics, even delicate or personal ones. This would usually include our friends and perhaps some relatives.
Circle of low trust. This circle includes people with whom we have relationships, but would not usually tell them our secrets and would not dare to ask them for huge favours or confess certain details of our lives. Generally, these are people with whom we maintain circumstantial relationships, such as our wider school-mates, peer groups and more distant relatives.
Circle of little trust. This circle includes people we know because we have agreed with them on different occasions, but with whom we have not established a proper relationship. It may be that neighbour we greet in the street, children at school in other year groups, people we know only on social media or someone in a shop or restaurant we regularly go to.
Circle of mistrust. Outside these circles of trust are the “others”, unknown people with whom we have not established any kind of relationship or with whom we have exchanged a casual but inconsequential encounter. Generally, these people generate a certain degree of mistrust or suspicion since we do not know them yet.

Assign students to groups of 3. You may wish to use friendship groups to create a sense of comfort, or alternatively, adopt an approach that encourages them to work with people they would not naturally choose in order to build their ability to cooperate and collaborate with a range of different people and perspectives.

EXPLAIN:

In groups of 3 and using the circle of trust model as a guide, plot who you think Ella should trust.

When they have done this, compare the people students noted at the start of the session as being of most influence on Ella to those that they think should be her most trusted.

ASK:

Are they different?
Is Ella’s trust therefore misplaced? If so, why?

Plenary: Understanding identity - final thoughts

EXPLAIN:

Every time we expand our circles of trust, including other people in them, we tear down a psychological wall. Having people at our side we can trust is beneficial to our physical and mental health, not only because they will help us when we need it most, but also because their mere existence is a source of security. Having solid support networks will no doubt enable us to better deal with adversity in our lives.

However, allowing untrustworthy people to move into our innermost circle will expose us emotionally, leaving us vulnerable. If we allow toxic people to camp in our intimate circles, we will be at their mercy and, sooner or later, their behaviour will end up taking its toll. We must be cautious in choosing the people we let into our intimacy. It's not about having a suspicious attitude or general distrust of others. This traps us in a circle so small that it threatens to suffocate us psychologically. Instead, it is about deciding who we want by our side in life and not letting it be a life that randomly places someone next to us. It's about choosing those people who we can trust to bring out the best of us and, of course, become a person who also brings light to others.

Next time we will look at the basic psychological needs, which cause us to act or react in particular ways.