EVIDENCE:

Having high quality, secure and dependable friendships improves children’s academic and social success. Students with secure friendships are more active and willing participants in their classes, are more successful at mastering tasks and cooperating in problem-solving. Even more importantly, the advantages offered by having friends accumulate over time, continuing to increase their academic success. As students progress through school, their wellness, indicated by classroom engagement and high-quality friendships as much as quantitative measures, becomes more pronounced and stable with increasing age and experience.

Modern service and funding constraints focus on short-term relationships when supporting young people, in a repeating cycle of assessment and abandonment. Poor child outcomes have been linked with a high turnover of social work staff (Flower et al., 2005). Often (and sadly not always) the family and school are an important source of longer-term relationships. Adolescents who are involved in so-called ‘risky’ behaviours (such as early and unprotected sex, alcohol and drug abuse, school dropout, violence and suicide) have been shown to benefit from a connected relationship with a caring, competent and responsible adult (Aronowitz, 2005). Adults such as these had high expectations and had faith in the competence and ability of a young person to achieve their goals.

FACILITATOR TIP:

Before you begin, recap and review ground rules as a class. 

Discuss any rules created which worked well, together with any that didn't work - do they need to change? 

Make amendments if needed. Ensure pupils are clear why ground rules are used and why they are so important.

EXPLAIN:

Last time we looked at identity, how this forms, and the things that influence it. In particular, we considered how the people we choose to spend time with might influence us and why. Today we will be focusing on the subject of 'influence' in greater depth. Here is a short explainer video.

SHOW:

• Social proof explainer (note: also embedded on Slide 5 (PowerPoint version))

EXPLAIN:

As you read through Episode 2, note who appears to be influential in Ella’s life and why. 

When you have completed the reading, prioritise your list in the order of most to least influential by plotting them on Worksheet 3a:  Influence map? 

The more influential you believe a character to be, the closer to the centre they should be placed.

ASK:

• Who influences Ella most?

SHOW:

• Worksheet 3 (1st page only) 

Together, students should plot where they believe the characters sit in terms of their influence upon Ella, discussing any differences of opinion.

EXPLAIN:

In the first activity we looked at who was influencing Ella. We will now look at who she should trust.

ASK:

• What’s happening in this scene?

Focus on the actions of Ella’s Mum — is she a bad person or behaving in a way that’s simply thoughtless or ‘not present’ in Ella’s life at that moment?

• How might this make us feel?

Being treated that way, even thoughtlessly, and particularly by those closest to us is unpleasant and drives a reaction. The point here is that some reactions can make you vulnerable. Therefore, should you react to ‘thoughtless’ behaviour in a way that potentially puts you at risk?

ASK:

• Why didn’t Ella seek advice from her Mum? What made her not try and speak to a person close to her?

ASK:

• What feelings may have led Ella to make the choice to go along with things to this point?

It's important here to really bring home the point that it is Ella's state of mind, her need to find a sense of belonging, that has influenced her decision-making up to this point. It's completely natural for young people to feel the need to belong, but being conscious of this will help them to understand the impact it can have on their own decision-making.

EXPLAIN:

In this second part, we will reflect upon Ella’s dilemma, thinking about her relationships and the trust she (mis)places in others.

EXPLAIN:

The circles of trust are a graphic way of representing the relationships we establish, placing the people we know in a series of concentric circles that differ from each other by the degree of trust, intimacy, attention and care we put into each of them. The circles of trust express, therefore, the type of relationship we establish with people and how close or far from us we perceive them.

We are in the centre of that circle. From that “self” we are going to create different concentric circles in which we will place the people we know.

FACILITATOR TIP: The circle of trust model

1. Intimate circle. This circle includes only the people we are most intimate with, i.e. those in whom we trust with our eyes closed, usually our partner, children, parents and/or siblings. The people we are likely to turn to when we have a big problem and to whom we entrust our biggest secrets, worries and concerns. It is these people who take care of us when we get sick, who are by our side in the most difficult moments and who are always watching over us.

2. Circle of medium trust. This circle includes those people with whom we have a close relationship. People we would ask a favour, those with whom we spend time, have fun and share our vision of the world. We can talk to them about many topics, even delicate or personal ones. This would usually include our friends and perhaps some relatives. 

3. Circle of low trust. This circle includes people with whom we have relationships, but would not usually tell them our secrets and would not dare to ask them for huge favours or confess certain details of our lives. Generally, these are people with whom we maintain circumstantial relationships, such as our wider school-mates, peer groups and more distant relatives. 

4. Circle of little trust. This circle includes people we know because we have agreed with them on different occasions, but with whom we have not established a proper relationship. It may be that neighbour we greet in the street, children at school in other year groups, people we know only on social media or someone in a shop or restaurant we regularly go to. 

5. Circle of mistrust. Outside these circles of trust are the “others”, unknown people with whom we have not established any kind of relationship or with whom we have exchanged a casual but inconsequential encounter. Generally, these people generate a certain degree of mistrust or suspicion since we do not know them yet.

Assign students to groups of 3. You may wish to use friendship groups to create a sense of comfort, or alternatively, adopt an approach that encourages them to work with people they would not naturally choose in order to build their ability to cooperate and collaborate with a range of different people and perspectives.

EXPLAIN:

In groups of 3 and using the circle of trust model as a guide, plot who you think Ella should trust.

When they have done this, compare the people students noted at the start of the session as being of most influence on Ella to those that they think should be her most trusted.

ASK:

• Are they different?

• Is Ella’s trust therefore misplaced? If so, why?

EXPLAIN:

Every time we expand our circles of trust, including other people in them, we tear down a psychological wall. Having people at our side we can trust is beneficial to our physical and mental health, not only because they will help us when we need it most, but also because their mere existence is a source of security. Having solid support networks will no doubt enable us to better deal with adversity in our lives.

However, allowing untrustworthy people to move into our innermost circle will expose us emotionally, leaving us vulnerable. If we allow toxic people to camp in our intimate circles, we will be at their mercy and, sooner or later, their behaviour will end up taking its toll. We must be cautious in choosing the people we let into our intimacy. It's not about having a suspicious attitude or general distrust of others. This traps us in a circle so small that it threatens to suffocate us psychologically. Instead, it is about deciding who we want by our side in life and not letting it be a life that randomly places someone next to us. It's about choosing those people who we can trust to bring out the best of us and, of course, become a person who also brings light to others.

Next time we will look at the basic psychological needs, which cause us to act or react in particular ways.